Think about it, everything changes:
- Seasons change.
- Time changes.
- People change.
- Children change.
- Husbands/Wives change.
- Our environment changes,
- Everything changes.
In fact, it is our ability to handle change that will always be one of the most important skills that we will ever develop. But if we are successful, and fully develop this skill, it will arguably be one of the most important tools that we will have in our “life management” portfolio.
We Learned to Learn to Change
In raising our daughters, we realized that given they were four-and-a-half years apart, if we wanted to ensure their mental and emotional health, we needed to raise them differently. That is, we couldn’t raise the oldest at nine years old—the same as we did the four-and-half year old and the other was a newborn. Sure, they had the same rules, but we had to help them interpret their rules at the level they were at individually. Our expectations on their adherence to the rules had to be adjusted. Sure there would be moments they would each fail to abide by the rules—but their punishment was done according to their ability to abide by the rules respective to their age. But this was where we had to change how we parent. As the oldest became ten, eleven and twelve…our rules needed to change as well since her understanding of the rules—and her ability to abide were now at a different level. We couldn’t keep holding a twelve year old to the same level of accountability as her eight year old or a three year old sisters! And to do it right (that is to parent) with three daughters meant that we continually had to adjust our expectations as our daughters got older. They changed—and we had to change to be effective parents. More importantly, we taught our children that the lines that are drawn in life are not always static…they often change as the situations change.
Our Children Must Learn to Learn to Change
In a conversation with our youngest daughter, she shared her frustration after becoming aware of the impact of changes that will come in the next few months and years as her college friends from the past few years graduate. Certainly, some friends will graduate before she does—and in time she will graduate as well, leaving behind other friends. But the frustration really hurts her after she became aware of relationships that were strong in her freshman and sophomore years—were not as strong as they once were, because things changed. Relationships changed because the situations that bound them together have changed—and that was unsettling. How is it that we can have some relationships that twenty years from now are just as strong—and others that came from the same roots will have long since disintegrated? And not because of anything malicious…but simply because the circumstances that were at the heart of the relationship have changed. Change is:
- Something that parents cannot do for their children;
- Something that children must go through on their own.
- Real, and we must learn to live with it!
Change Management
How hard is change? In Corporate America, companies…at least successful companies spend millions of dollars every year developing, implementing and managing change. Why, because they understand the challenges and cost of not managing change! That’s because change (without managing change), is at a minimum, at least a magnitude more expensive. You may wonder how and why change management is necessary in Corporate America. The real answer of course is encompassed in the understanding that business processes will change. Change Management also includes the fact that technologies will change. But perhaps the most critical component of a Change Management process is managing the “people issues” associated with change because honestly, “People resist change!” Many corporations have spent millions of dollars implementing costly technologies and systems only to see them fail because they didn’t understand the “people side” of change. And without taking into account the people side of change you will find that people will sabotage change—either consciously—or unconsciously! In fact it doesn’t matter whether it is in Corporate America—or in an American Church, change will fail for the same reasons! In fact, even in our own lives, even though we can and should anticipate change, we fail because we fail to manage life changes that we most assuredly will face. And in that, be sure you are not sabotaging your own ability to adapt to changes.
Change is a Force!
That’s a great question to ask yourself. How do you manage change? Face it, we all like it better when we have variety in life—but too much variety begins to tap into our physical and emotional state of being. Some people are very comfortable with doing the same thing for years—while others seek out new experiences daily. But change is often all about stepping into the unknown where that unknown includes unknown risks! It could arguably be said that change is a matter of managing risks. Most people don’t want to change because they don’t want to increase the risks of failing or the pain and uncertainty associated with change. Does that mean that change implies a greater chance of failing—absolutely! But change also implies a greater opportunity to succeed in ways never imagined! In fact, change is perhaps a force that is always coming and the challenge is whether we embrace it or avoid it. Change doesn’t necessarily mean that we will always experience good moments. Death of a loved one…divorce…loss of a job. Each is a difficult and life altering experience. Each has the potential of destroying us…if we don’t accept it…and gracefully move on. But it is only when we have become the victor of change that we become stronger and ready for the next change.
3 Reasons Why We Resist Change…
The challenge for every one of us is that we like normal. We like comfortable. We like consistency. It is dependable. It is predictable. Sure, we want variety at times…but most of us want to be able to come home and have a good meal for dinner; and our wives or husbands home when they are supposed to come home. To come home and find your loved one not there, without any heads-up would be disconcerting. In the same way, we would not celebrate coming home and our wife, mother or husband tells us…”We are not going to eat tonight…we just want to do something different!” We would be upset or frustrated at a minimum…and would likely turn around while pronouncing, “You can do what you want…but I am going to get something to eat!” So let’s understand why we resist change:
Reason # 1: Change is Difficult!
If you have ever been the new kid in school, it’s not simply the fact that you are in an unfamiliar place as it is that “everything” is unfamiliar! The faces you were used to seeing—even without knowing them all provided a sense of the familiar. That familiar feeling is what gives us comfort. Familiarity is a powerful thing. In a familiar place we all are able to be who we are to the fullest. In an unfamiliar place, we are reserved almost as if we are in a dark room, feeling our way around. Probing the unfamiliar place until we establish a “new normal.” This probing and groping about is time consuming and the responses that we receive can totally change who we are. That is, if we never get comfortable again—it can stunt our growth as a person and rob us of who the Lord said that we are!
Reason # 2: Change is Disruptive!
In the same manner, change can be quite disruptive. Take someone who is running along a smooth surface without shoes on. They look strong as they move along. Their stride is long, and they seem to be making great progress, until suddenly, the terrain changes. Now the terrain is rocky. The sharp rocks on their tender feet begin to take a toll. While just a short time ago their stride was long and smooth. Now, they are nearly at a standstill. Their once promising progress has now ground almost to a halt. Change has the tendency to make us break stride as well. Our forward moment can even sometimes end up as movement laterally—or even backwards. That is, until we learn to adjust to the new terrain. Perhaps we simple have to choose a new route forward—or now we simply learn to run in shoes!
Reason # 3: Change is Often Painful!
We all have felt the impact of a painful change. Perhaps the death of a loved one. Or the decision for two to part ways and go in different directions. Either way, the change of going forward without those you hold dear can have a considerable impact on what happens next. And then there are the changes associated to a changes in our physical being. A heart attack may not kill you—but it changes how you live forever. A stroke or other catastrophic injury can leave us wondering what’s the use of living—if we can no longer live our lives the way we used to live? That’s really what’s at the heart of this whole conversation. What is it that is in us—that will cause us to continue to press on in spite of the changes that we have gone through—or even the changes that have been inflicted upon us?
What Does the Bible say about Change?
The interesting thing is that when you study the Word of God about change is that you find that for all the change that we deal with, one thing is clear: the Lord doesn’t change! That’s right, the Lord is the one absolute that we can hold onto no matter the nature of the storm that we are in. No matter what level of our changes or whether embrace change or not, God does not change! That in itself should be a comfort for us all. Whether we resist change or even as we endure the pain, or the disruptions, or even the difficulties, we can point our compass to God and He will always remain our “true North!” Why is this fact important? Because it means that even if you get twisted up and turned around, God will always be in the direction that you last left Him. If you are lost in your tumult—God is never lost. If Abraham, Isaac and Jacob to count on the God “who changeth not!” Then praise God—so can we! So tell me saint! Are you ready for a change?
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